Healing From Betrayal.
Could you please take that knife out of my back?
Do you ever have that feeling like someone stabbed you in the back or pulled the rug out from under you? When I woke up this morning, it felt like there was a knife sticking me in the back. Sharp, deep and painful.
I want to share this with you because there are some very powerful lessons in here that I am hoping will be helpful to you.
It all started last month. As I walked up the hill to the restroom off of 35N, I heard a crashing sound behind me.
“Is that your car?” the woman walking toward me asked.
I turned to see a big blue truck kissing my bumper.
Moments later, a man walked out of the restroom building, shocked to see that his truck had rolled downhill and was now jammed against my car.
He was even more upset when he realized that I was on the phone with the police. He snapped, "there is no need to involve the police, I will pay for it.”
Thankfully, I have grown to the point that I was able to do what was best for me, despite the fact that a huge angry man was standing so close to me that the woman who answered the 911 call asked me if it was the owner of the truck who was asking me not to call the police. The highway patrol arrived, we took pictures of each other driver’s license and went on our way.
Lesson 1 Be true to yourself regardless of someone else's behavior. When people yell, they are feeling out of control and want to get back in control. Their ego has taken over and it will do whatever it can to be in control.
Last night, I called the other driver. “Did you know we live in a no fault state?" he asked me, implying that he was not going to pay for the repairs as he had promised he would.
I was totally shocked. A sense of disbelief, anger and hopelessness washed over me. I had done everything I could to have it so my car would be fixed in the least expensive way and he betrayed me.
Unable to sleep, I listened to a part of a class I have listened to at least 15 times to help me let go of past hurts - hurts that were stored in my body and had been activated by this situation.
Lesson 2 Every event that has ever happened to us that we did not let go of is stored in our body. We can still let it go.
This morning when I woke up and felt the “knife in my back,” I wondered if it was from holding my 4 year old granddaughter in the air so she could swing across the monkey bars. Then, I realized this was not from something physical but from the way this incident with the car triggered all of the times when someone had betrayed me, at a time when I was trying to do something good. (Lesson 2 in action.)
I did several things to bring healing: I prayed, I placed my hand on my chest in front of where the knife was since I can’t reach that part of my back, and I watched a tapping video on healing from the inside out.
Lesson 3 There are many ways to heal. Intentional Breathing, Praying, *Focusing and Tapping are 4 ways I find to be especially helpful.
I talked with my husband about whether to talk with the other driver or not. I said, “I know this is inside of me and he is not the reason for my current feelings.”
My husband talked about only sharing vulnerable parts of yourself with people you trust. This is definitely too vulnerable to share with that other driver. (I just smiled, knowing I am sharing this with you and anyone who chooses to read it.)
Lesson 4 Only share what is vulnerable about yourself with people you trust.
Still, I felt it was important for me to share with Tom what had happened from my perspective. Not to get him to change his mind but to be true to myself. I decided that writing him a text would be a safe way to share. This is what I said:
I would just like to share with you my perspective on what has happened with the car.
I felt sad for you that the accident happened. When I went to get estimates, I asked them to do as little as possible to make my bumper look good. They showed me an area right below the bumper that was also damaged by the truck hitting my car. Since it is not all that noticeable, I told them to leave it.
I have been waiting for a car I ordered to be shipped and kept thinking it will be here any day. I did not want to have you pay for a rental car so I waited for my car to arrive.
I just want you to know I really was trying to look out for you.
Gwen
Lesson 5 When you choose to speak up, tell the truth in a factual way from your perspective.
Funny thing, the other driver just called me. He was very kind.
Lesson 6. It doesn’t matter how the person responds. What matters is you tell your truth in a loving way. They get to act however they want.
This doesn’t mean I would not have been upset if he treated me poorly. I am sure I would. This is where we go back to Lesson 3
Lesson 7 The way a person responds has to do with their level of healing.
I hope these lessons are helpful to you.
*If you would like to learn more about focusing, here are 2 great resources:
https://focusing.org or https://biospiritual.org/
*This is a tapping video I watched:Healing From the Inside Out - Tapping with Brad Yates
I love this video!! Brad Yates has a tapping video on almost every subject.
